So, two unfunctional wines walk into a bar...

Well, slapstick isn’t really my forte, but these puppies are on totally different ends of the spectrum (though color-wise, they are absolutely on the same page), but I have no clue what to do w/ either of them. Actually, strike that, no clue what to do w/ the second, the first wine needs to be flushed, like the urine-colored substance that it is. The second…is essentially a dry, botrytis-infused Pinot Gris, that isn’t without flaws, but what exactly is it? A dessert wine or an aperitif….or is it in wine purgatory?

Vigneti Sant’ Helena Pinot Grigio, 2006
What a clumsy mess this dark golden colored, unidentifiably Pinot Grigio is. A hyper-charged nose of mango custard, banana cream pie & rubbing alcohol stumble in the disjointed, flabby textured palate that has the precision of a 20/200 vision jet fighter. An obviously extracted, yet horribly constructed nightmare that resembles an over-ripe Viognier, stuffed in Muscadet clothing. Wines like this are not only seriously flawed, but they really lack purpose or place in such a wonderful wine world, 64 points.

Zind Humbrecht Pinot Gris, Thann 2005
Well, the color is the same as the Sant’ Helena, but the wine is, you guessed it, different! Like most Pinot Gris in the Humbrecht stable, this is exceptionally ripe, w/ this particular bottling showing some hints of botrytis. The scents evoke notions of dried apricot, bee pollen, coconut oil, quince jam and buttered flowers that strike a full bodied, yet fleeting chord in the mouth. Though it harnesses its ripeness well, reeling in the sweetness w/ fine structure (which is almost, gasp, bone-dry), but it fades a bit too quickly to hit the real high notes, 88 points.